Starting my motorcycle going to work, I asked children playing in my front What they want to be when they grow up. They gave me instant positive answers. They thought they will always get what they wanted ( a good altitude). How I wish I would be child for the whole of my life. But growing up and growing old happened. Maturity comes naturally. But, I found out the world is not pleasant as I was thought.
Ten years ago I came in Manila carrying nothing but loaded with wonders and hope that I would find my fortune. I was excited I finally able to run from home and very frolic about it. Same thing happened to other young people too. Living in the grassy island and seaside of Masbate, I had always thought of my self as islander kind of people and couldn’t imagine myself being in touched with fast and busy city life.
Manila is not desirable to me. It’s noisy, crowded and carbon filled place, different from my island I loved. Arriving, I was amassed seeing from the instance of my bus door different heights and glittering city lights. I was just immediately fall impressed with what I found a city of my dream. I was here and I call myself manila boy, an easy recruit. I don’t expect my conversion it just happens.
Living miles away from family and friends is not easy. Yes these are a pathetic words, I know you know it already but, I tell you, knowing something is definitely not the same as experiencing it. I learned the hard, twisted, muddy and flooded ways. I have lost in the big city and learned where to find out. A mistake big or small is not embarrassing. It gives you a hint not to repeat again. I warn you, if you think that you have all figured it out, and then think again, because chances are you will lose just like I was before.
Fast track to last few months. I found myself lessemployed, employed but having an undesirable working environment and almost broke. I tried to read the entire self help- book but it does not help me much, I learned the hard way. Again, whoever blinded me with the idea that I was different and hard to get? Those are the days where the hardest of my life here. More than once I was tempted to resign and longed to face the uncertainties, confusion, disillusion, and all the sad, dirty facts of life. But, a million times over, I decided against it.
Slowingly, I was thinking of my pride. What would happen if my friends and family ask me if I returned home empty handed. Nevertheless, I was a lowest mammal when I came here what they expect of me. My profile is not fit for that telenovela-ish damsel in distress, but if anybody tried at directing a soap opera such as my life, I would complain it. If it wasn’t for my ridiculous but luckily well-timed vanity, I would have thrown the towel of surrender. I thought myself as survivor in this city jungle full of torn and dikes. To the very least, I am thankful that I have life.
Fast forward to this very night, I have come to retrospect my life. Many things and events added up to lead me to this crossroads. If you apply for a job in the Government Agency it is prevalent that you should have “Know-who” not “Know-how”. But now I am the one who see the consequence. It paralyzes the functions of the office. A paradigm shift is recommended. But I will not recommend it to them I will apply it to myself. On this night, I tried to shift myself of asking “where-to” but instead I asked “How-to”. Put all the ingredience under one pot to cook Tinula and regret the taste. I think things would be easy if we know how and also what.
Breaking the fast, I have come to sort my past, now I see my life as a rider. Books and the things that I learned in school and in my work were my training wheels. They got me started, but eventually I had shed them and do the balancing and maneuvering on my own.
But the ride doesn’t end there. Learning how to ride is an easy part; choosing the right path to my desired destination is really what matter most. Chose the path that you really like most. If you ask me what path I really like, that path was the one that carve out for me. What is it? SECRET.
It is studied that life is not a consequence, you design your life. You ride yourself for your destination. The roadblocks and detours under my way is one heck of my ride. I won’t sell my soul for anything else on this world.
ECGJdoubleseven@gmail.com
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